Slip 'N Slam: SLIME TIME- July 9th, 2016
Pre-Show Announcements: [ Party World Rasslin' SLIP 'N' SLAM: SLIME TIME is a FREE, all-ages Party and Wrestling Spectacle! 21+ to drink!] make the show? Livestream here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_54_-OeNcAk On your mark...get set...go! The obstacle course of the ages lies before you. A wet, banana-yellow stretch of vinyl serves as both path and vehicle. Slide upon it with penguin-like grace, barely dodging scewering spikes and stomping cartoon feet! Twin rollers wring you out like a towel into a semi-soft crevasse. Don't get too comfortable - you're sinking in a congeries of dayglo orbs! You desperately paw your way out, coming aground of mankind's last and ultimate challenge – THE CRAGGROCRAG! Behold, an irridescent olympus! Jagged as a cursed cloud, pieces crumble as it shivers with otherworldly resonance. Prizes beam from atop this cruel mountain: A new pair of SKETCHERS, A BAG OF SOUR CANDIES, a MONOGRAMMED FLEECE, A CASIO HIP-HOP KEYBOARD, and... THE PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP BELT! You begin climbing, but then - ! The flaxen-haired gaurdian of the belt laughs from high above! He flips you THE BIRD and pours buckets of a mysterious liquid down from his materhorn perch! UH OH! You’ve been slimed! But that’s not normal slime - that’s HELLSLIME, another fine product from HELLSPORT, INC, our benevolent sponsor. FEEL THE HELL as your skin sizzles with SUMMER FUN! You’re a skeleton... thanks for playing! Welcome to SLIP 'N' SLAM: SLIME TIME! This wild 'n' crazy MAIM SHOW has just begun! Will the DIGNITY of the PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP survive this ill-advised mash-up of game show and wrestling? IT DOES NOT MATTER! PWR's 9th (!) Party looks to our fondest memories of childhood games 'n' sports to guide us into Rasslin's dark future. Join us in a fierce summer celebration of mental and physical FIGHTness! We're talking $1 beers (limited supplies), giant stone heads, slime, inexplicable bungie cords and UTTERLY WONKED OUT Rasslin' spectacle! Both 90s fashion and Summer gear are recommended! Wear a horrifying geometric-pattern-shirt and bring a snorkel! DEADLY GAME SHOW COLLIDES WITH STANDARD RASSLIN' TO VARYING DEGREES IN THE FOLLOWING MATCHES: --------------------------- Hot Dog vs. DadBod “You're not my real dad!” That's the battlecry – in a SUMMER COOKOUT MATCH! Your GARBAGEWEIGHT CHAMPION, the mysterious crustpunk called HOTDOG, will be grillin' (and KILLIN') his namesake in this NO-HOLDS-BARBECUED fight to the finish! Can Dadbod, the PATERNAL PUNISHER, convince Hotdog he's a failure while preparing his famous 3 Alarm Bratwurst?! This match is gonna be HOT – because of the CHARCOAL involved! --------------------------- Dan "The Man" Ziglar {PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPION} vs. ??? Dan the Man – PWR's controversial Partyweight Champion- continues his quest to “Make the Multiverse Great Again.” But “Making the Multiverse Great Again” seems to involve a lot of not answering our calls and emails! It's as if he doesn't want to put his title on the line, at all! While we don't understand his motivation, we're going to keep negotiating with his corporate interests to make sure we have a WILD AND CRAZY TITLE DEFENSE MATCH for you! --------------------------- Special Quiz Segment: PWR SUPER SLIME TROUBLE TRAP ELIMINATION EXTREME! 2 Contestants enter – one leaves...with a prize! What fiendish questions, SLOPTACULAR physical challenges, and PIE-OCTANE consequences are lined up for our contestants in this LEGAL and PROBABLY SAFE quiz show? --------------------------- Tag team matchup: The Primo Family vs. The Romaine Legion Lettuce prey! The Primo Family are an Italian Pizza Chef and his Pasta-golem son. They currently hold the Best Friends Forever belts. Can they retain their championship and friendship against the power of 2 kale-shrouded Roman revenants? The ROMAINE LEGION are thousands of years old – and seek to revive their fallen empire through the POWER OF SALAD! Sauce may be thicker than blood, but can Vinaigrette burn through familial bonds? This match may or may not answer that question! --------------------------- Theodosia vs. Kippy (Age 13) One-time PARTYWEIGHT CONTENDER Theodosia was frozen in a block of ice for 200 years. Kippy is a child who rapidly aged 6 years by drinking a can of HELLSPORT. Both competitors have been forced into ages they can't possibly fathom – and now they fight! Kippy is not a normal 13-year old, though. Her body has reacted to the SAFE AND GREAT ingredients of HELLSPORT with INCREASED STRENGTH, SPEED and VIOLENCE. KIDS CAN BE SO CRUEL! --------------------------- Tag team matchup: The Dumpster Babes vs. WHOEVER DARES PWR's FILTHIEST TEAM just wants to brutalize people and cover them in waste! They're not particular about their opponents – and they're not particular about their waste: Medical waste, biological waste, regular style waste – they've got it all! The connivining, wretched Pinkeye and her brother(???), the doglike Babyface, are out to prove they're slimier than SLIME ITSELF! --------------------------- Chad Blitz vs California Howdy His name may be California – but he's a Texan through and through! He loves drinkin' Texas beer and fightin' for Texas justice! The celebrity surfer Chad Blitz, on the other hand, -is- from California – and seeks to revolutionize Austin with his West Coast Savvy. This ACTUAL CELEBRITY prefers HELLSPORT's VITAL GREEN ELECTROBLIGHTS to 4TH TAP'S POWERFUL FLOWING GOLD! We're caught in between a battle of beverages that may tear us apart – deep in the heart of Texas! --------------------------- Tag team matchup: The Intergalactic Express vs NARRC (The North American RailRoad Commission) Bull DeCroix, the meanest railyard officer in town, has returned to enforce more TRAINLAW! With the help of a mighty Conductor as a tag team partner, The North American RailRoad Commission has arrived in full force! But the Essential Aliens are here RIGHT ON TIME! The INTERGALCTIC EXPRESS prefer rocketing through space to clinging to tracks. Can Space Lizard Super Wizard out-pace the NARRC's engine? And can his partner Mr. Massive Goliath resist STEAM POWER ITESELF? This match is going off the rails, inflicting CRAZY PAIN! --------------------------- Chubby Uncle Juan Returns, again again This is going to be the one. The beloved Children's TV Host and his Little Friend are going to finally film that commercial! No wrestlers will interrupt him and start a wrestling match. We promise! There's no way we would be irresponsible enough to let that happen three times in a row. --------------------------- See you there! Post-show Announcements: Dan "The Man" Ziglar KEEPS A GRIP ON THE Partyweight Championship —The Primo Family MORPHS INTO TERRIFYING, POWERFUL MUTANT—Dock Master RETURNS TO ISSUE A HALLOWEEN CHALLENGE—FRIENDSHIP! BETRAYAL! SLIME! THIS IS PARTY WORLD RASSLIN' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ WHAT TIME WAS IT?! WHAT TIME WILL IT FOREVER BE?! SLIME TIME! Beneath the witchlight of reflected slime-splatter, 1200+ contestants came together to PLAY THE GAME! The silent, glowing monolith of the CRAGGROCRAG bore witness to SLIPS and SLAMS which would ruin an unprepared mind. But the Multiverse stood strong! We held our heads high amid the spike-filled-pies the forces of evil threw at us. Here's the breaks! The night began with a deadly obstacle course—and many fell. Luckily, the mysterious KVLT LEADER halted HELLSPORT's attempt to demolish the crowd and, with the assistance of CASIO HIP-HOP KEYBOARD, began a heady ritual that culminated in the yet-again dispatched Timmy Quivers being vomited forth from a wall of talking abs. Just another day at the office! Stripped of their flesh, the former abs (named Abby) mouthed off again and again with now-skeletal jaws! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ SUPER SLIME TRIPLE TROUBLE ELIMINATION EXTREME SEASON FINALE Next, the season finale of Super Slime Triple Trouble Elimination Extreme fired up! The two contestants, the young Peggy Pfefferbottom and Tanya Stronbow, did their best – but the when the SECRET CHALLENGE turned out to be Bench Horse, things got wet and wild! Host of the show Skip Rathbone joined forces with the plucky teens to battle the crazed horse—but it wasn't enough. BENCH HORSE destroyed all in his path with a savage double DDT onto chairs. This was absolutely unacceptable! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ NARRC (The North American RailRoad Commission) def. The Intergalactic Express After this mockery of a game show, we were hungry for sporting competition. But we would not get it! The first tag team match of the night saw the cosmic INTERGALACTIC EXPRESS clashing with the North American Railroad Commission (the NARRC) in a TRAINYARD RULES MATCH. The NARRC's familiarity the railway-mayhem led to an (unfair?) advantage against the honorable aliens. After a high-flying and valiant show of strength from Space Lizard Super Wizard and Mister Grande Titanic (substituting for Mr. Massive Goliath), Bull DeCroix and the mysterious "Conductor" sealed a victory by SUMMONING A LITERAL LOCOMOTIVE. Yikes! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pinkeye def. Babyface Speakin’ of tag teams—PWR's FILTHIEST DUO, The Dumpster Babes, interrupted the show and demanded bloodshed! There was just one problem – they had no opponents! After they threatened to … soil … the ring, Hellsport's spokesperson, Jeffistopholes, stirred their chamberpot and pitted the trash family against each other with promise of a shot at the Garbageweight Championship. A thrilling match followed, with Pink Eye sneaking a LEAPING TOILET STRIKE on her brother to secure the pin. Not even a wrestling match between them could break up those two, though, and they reunited as a team soon after the pinfall! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Garbageweight Championship MATCH: DadBod def. Hot Dog Speaking of garbage, the ring was littered with it for our GARBAGEWEIGHT TITLE bout! The two BIGGEST PIECES OF TRASH in PWR vied in a SUMMER COOKOUT MATCH for that vile belt! Condiments, utensils, and the grill itself flew across the ring as the two dudes dealt welt after welt to their ketchup-soaked hides. After the mysterious Big Daddy Bolero interfered and blindsided Hot Dog with two big boots and a SHOCK COLLAR, a new GARBAGEWEIGHT CHAMPION—Dadbod—was crowned, and we're sorry about that! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dazza Longbarrel AND Booma AS: The Suplex Predators From there things just got more out of control. PWR's newest tag team, the SUPLEX PREDATORS, made their unexpected debut. Dazza Longbarrel and his pet tiger, BOOMA, had escaped from the hospital, we think, and were not booked for any match, at all. This did not stop them from attacking a HELLSPORT GOON and ruthlessly HELLSLIMING Jeff! We can't say he didn't have it coming. Oh, what slime! Rivers of slime! SLIME TIME, indeed! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ INTRODUCING THE "TEMPLE TREASURES" MAIN EVENT But JEFF quickly returned, his face bandaged from caustic slime-burns. He presided over the next game show: PWR TEMPLE TREASURES. It was time to find THE AMULETS! Randy "The Eagle" Eagleman and Dan "The Man" Ziglar vied for the Mystical Tokens of Power that would give them the advantage in the main event. But the CULTURALLY INDETERMINATE TEMPLE GUARDS surprised Randy! One of them performed a certain move, the RED SCARE, long banned in PWR. Only one wrestler knows that move - Baron Zahkey ! The Temple Gaurd revealed himself as the cruel Barron and went to work on Randy's left wing, battering it ruthlessly! Meanwhile, Dan wrenched a mystical amulet from Abby's forehead—draining her energy and leaving her a lifeless, droop-jawed skull. A lot of bad stuff happened. It sucked! Things couldn't get worse, right? We thought so, too. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE DESTRUCTION OF PUGGIN'HEAD? Chubby Uncle Juan's COMMERCIAL GOES WRONG (AGAIN) Chubby Uncle Juan made his third attempt to film an in-ring commercial with his puppet pal, Puggin'Head. Before he could utter a single word, DadBod ran into the ring and pile-drove Pugginhead's head into the mat. EMTs rushed in, diagnosing a severe spinal injury. We are still awaiting word on the extent of his injuries from the Saint David's ICU. DadBod is currently under inquiry from PWR's commissioners. Though the nature of the attack precludes criminal charges, Chubby Uncle Juan has been apprised of his rights to civil ones. DadBod will almost certainly be ejected from PWR and stripped of his newly-won title. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HELLSPORT PRESENTS: "GIRL BRAIN"! Kippy (Age 13) def. Theodosia Things were bad. The crowd sat in stunned silence after the tragedy they had just witnessed. Timmy Quivers lamented the death of his “big buddy,” Abby , as Jeff AGAIN interrupted the proceedings! The match between the ANCIENT GUARDIAN, THEODOSIA, and KIPPY, age 13, was not to happen as normal. Jeff announced they would be competing in GIRL BRAIN, a market research-driven quiz show for girls. Since Theodosia is over 200 years old, the questions, mostly about iPhones, were totally alien to her—but when it came time for HORSE QUESTIONS, she pushed to a tie game. Jeff announced the beginning of "BODY ROUND"—the “first to braid the other's hair wins.” The two competitors turned the match on its head, and threw the conditions into Jeff's face by engaging in a hellacious contest. After the intense battle, Theodosia and Kippy found they had more in common then they knew. In the ultimate token of goodwill, Theo offered her hair to be braided—fulfilling the bizarre match stipulation of the match and granting Kippy the victory. Jeff would not suffer his match to have its patriarchal premise subverted in this way, and had Kippy dragged back into Hellsport's and Chad Blitz's legal custody before Theodosia could begin undoing her brainwashing. This was far less than fine. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Best Friends Forever Tag Team Championship DEFENSE: The Primo Family def. The Romaine Legion Hellsport breathed heavily upon us—and its hot breath soaked us in wet and wild sweat. But they weren’t the only force that had come to conquer. THE ROMAINE LEGION – those Paleo-Imperial revenants—had challenged the Primo Family for the BFF Championship Belts! The sheer physical power of CAESAR SALAD and MARCUS ARUGULUS seemed too much for Luigi Primo and Pastaman. But the Primo Family's unfailing friendship unlocked the true power of the BFF belts and FUSED THE TWO TOGETHER into the ultimate ITALIAN CUISINE HYBRID—PASTA PRIME! This new form tossed his salad opponents across the ring with unbound Fuerte Italiano. A wicked PASTASLAM spelled the end for Caesar Salad, who fell for the 3-count! Luigi and Pastaman then un-fused, reeling, bruised, and still BFF Champions. Things got briefly brighter – like the foam-colored blocks tumbling from the CRAGGROCRAG – as the Multiverse revived Abby with powerful, rhythmic ab-slapping. Things were going to be okay! But then things heated up—both in the venue and in the ring! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE MAIN EVENT: World Partyweight Championship DEFENSE: Dan "The Man" Ziglar def. Randy Eagleman In the final match of the night, Randy Eagleman and Dan Ziglar faced off. Things looked inauspicious for PWR's resident half-bird half-man—Randy's left wing was shattered, and Dan started the match with a 2-1 medallion advantage. To retain his belt, he only needed to win Randy's single amulet by pinfall, submission, or disqualification. Randy, forever bearing the heart of a champion, won the advantage through superior wrestling many times, but Dan's tactics of dastardly distraction set up Randy for a the vicious chokeslam backbreaker—THE VISIBLE HAND OF CAPITALISM '16. That was it, Dan had retained his title again. A pall cast across 4th Tap Brewing Co-op. As many cried out against indignity and cheating from Dan, none other than Dock Master emerged amid fog and the cry of gulls. PWR's forever champion squared off with Dan before demanding—and receiving—a NO DISQUALIFICATION match for the belt at SLAMHAIN on October 8th. Whoa!! Thanks for playing, everyone! Contestants receive JANSPORT Backpacks and BRACH's Sour Crabblers! Special thanks to CRAFTY CAT for visiting our Merch Room! We apologize for any untoward language or behavior from him. And special thanks to Hellsport—for being … a... drink. We are not skeletons, but nearly so. PWR's harried, haggard, Hellsport-hounded management has footage to review, plans to make, and wrongs to attempt to right. We never know when harmless looking things like a pizza, bear trap, or a can of glowing liquid is going to turn out to be deadly. We'll be ready, next time—ready for ghosts. Slamhain is on October 8th! Category:Show Category:Event